DO NOT TAKE TOO SERIOUSLY !!

DO NOT TAKE TOO SERIOUSLY !!

Crazy Frog perpetrator faces justice

No mercy expected at Old Bailey

by Joop Van Daele

from The Rockall Times.
The inventor of the "Crazy Frog" ringtone, who can't be named for legal reasons, today entered a hushed Old Bailey No 2 court facing approximately twenty two million charges under The Telecommunications Act 1984 section 4(1)(b) "persistent misuse to cause annoyance". If found guilty of all charges he faces up to 1,800 years in prison and a fine of up to £21bn.
The case has attracted world-wide media interest since February's Emergency Session of the UN Security Council when Secretary General Kofi Annan secured a motion authorising military force against the UK "unless the perpetrator was brought to justice". This required Sir Emyr Jones Parry (permanent ambassador to the UN) to use Britain's veto after the United States not only voted for the motion but moved the USS Nimitz Carrier Strike Group (CVN 68) into British Territorial Waters. In subsequent weeks organisations as diverse as the EU, NATO, The Organization of African Unity, The League of Arab States and The Campaign for Real Ale have condemned the ring tone and promised, variously, troops, weapons, cash and "some top-notch cask-conditioned ales" to help find and prosecute the man.
The most powerful indication of the depth of public feeling came when over 3,000 people fought pitched battles with riot police outside the Old Bailey, all claiming to have been called for jury service and all demanding to be able to sit on the case. This came just hours after it was revealed that staff at Amnesty International's London Headquarters had held a fund-raising bungee jump to purchase Sodium Thiopental, Pancuronium Bromide and Potassium chloride, the three chemicals most commonly used in executions by lethal injection, "just in case".
World religious and spiritual leaders have also condemned the man and Pope Benedictus XVI yesterday excommunicated him in the first event of its kind since 1822 (when the eccentric Belgian priest Johan Debilde was similarly treated for marrying a pregnant Sea Bass to a Louis XIV pine Armoire). This follows Monday's discovery of a letter bomb apparently sent from Nelson Mandela's home in South Africa and an admission by the Dali Lama that he was responsible for the poisoned Banoffee Pie sent to the man's cell in Wandsworth Prison.
Rumours of several suicide bids by the defendant have attracted no sympathy and Swami Tyaganta, speaking from his Ashram in Kolkata, claims to have a dozen monks ready to commit suicide and follow him in to the afterlife "to remind him of his sins for all eternity".
The trial is expected to last about ten minutes.
 

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.